I don’t forget
your tongue marrying mine so late at night
my hand on your back and yours on my face
the childish characters we pretended to be to give love to each other,
the jokes, the smiles, the smirks and gunks, the laughs, rainbows, sunlight, sunsets,
prides, honesties, morning pancakes, the pranks, plants, vegan recipes and orchards, the Quebec sea
the unrest from our birthdays, phone calls and memes every day, that documentary i made you,
coffee walks and ice cream talks, serendipity in Gaspesie every year and the parties, the weddings,
the stories and the playful madness composing the intimate drawings of
the fusional relationship we used to have.
I don’t forget you threw all that away
for logistics, for money, for timey schedules and separate hobbies, lack of communication,
suffering from hesitation, constant changing of ambition and phony feminist pretention.
to save oneself from mental overload – by hurting you and also me? – to salvage love from resentment,
for traveling without me, for someone with a better body, for the sake of making a mistake, for believing
that love can be found more than once in an ocean, for better in-laws,
for thinking that i was not enough – fuck you.
I did not forget any of that. I did not wait forty days for no reason.
I hoped your cowardice would wear off. In that meantime, I understood a fishing rod and gratefulness.
I saw dolphins in the dark. I found bravery in being without you.
but i’ve survived the storm you placed on me
finally waking up to be alone in the Pacific Ocean
even though the thunders of your disrespects and dishonesties ringing in my eardrums still
i don’t forget, and i stand still, the sails of my soul survived the squalls of your lostness and brills
appear, rainbows emerge and clouds wane at the pace of the ebb and flow of a softest tremor.
With you, my space and time had exploded – here, the horizon is fireworks so colorful in broad daylight
and now i know onward will be waiting for me
an eternal sunshine on a spotless ocean.